Barney Miller Full Episode 2025 🐤🐤 The Psychic 🐤🐤 Best American Sitcom Series 2025 2
a R I G E R What’s your uh first name fraser Wendle Wendle W Grand Theft Auto One police car Hey what were we going to do with a police car huh Wendell i figured I’d sell it [Music] Anybody check in yet not yet Barney How do you sell a hot green and white Wendle oh you paint it all green or all white you stole a police car yeah Can you dig it a fire engine I can dig but some things are sacred Where’s Fish he’s on his way up What happened we blew it Fish what happened we blew it That’s what they just said They’re right You get any details no not all of them Some of them I’m going to have to know sooner or later Cho Well Bonnie we staked out in the car across the street from this apartment building Right now we’ve been there all morning Finally the suspect comes out carrying that box Fish calls out to him Oh police officers But Fish forgot to roll down the window Sir the guy can’t hear us I thought it was down You never should have washed the car Anyway I jump out into the street pull out my piece and say “Hold it police officer.” The guy takes off down the block We go right after him Chugon The mana falls down I fall on top of him So there we are rolling around in the car You want to hear all this no but I have to I suggested a cover up Anyway what happens i’m lying there with with two garbage cans around my foot Hey and then Fish runs into the alley and and he and he leaps over like one of what do you call those things in Africa that run and leap through the air slaves [Applause] You mean a gazelle yeah that’s a like a big beautiful gazelle proof that age and grace can’t go together Anyway Fish chases the guy down the alley The guy drops the box jumps over a fence and gets away with leaving us with this story and 20 kilos of marijuana individually wrapped in 1 kilo packages All right let’s get some food You better lock it up Okay You all right i’m fine Just a pain in the lower back Probably from all that running Hey well let me carry it Let me carry it No no no no no You want to see a doctor no no It’s a common condition among gazels my age Hey man I’ll give you 30 bucks a lid 30 bucks let me see 30 lids to a kilo that’s a little 20 kilos That’s almost $18,000 You got that much on you oh man I’m good for it We’re negotiating We’re negotiating 12 Precinct Terrace Did you at least get a good look at the pusher oh yeah Yeah We’ll go through the mugbook and see if we can find them Okay Why can’t we fix up a nice mugbook reading room with a couple of chairs a nice bowl of food come on man We need some We’ll be right over Uh Barney it’s the manager over at Seagull’s department store They’re holding a guy for what breaking and entering Sounds like burglary I guess Don’t worry Harris I’ll go with you Barney it’s Fish He’s out cold [Music] Hey [Music] Hey Hey [Music] Are you sure the doctor said it’s okay to come back so soon at least take the rest of the day off if you want to If he don’t I do All right All right All right We’ll see you in a little while Stubborn What’s the matter with him he’s got a kidney stone But he doesn’t want to go home Says at a time like this he wants to be among friends Sentimental fool Mr Hman you’ll have a seat right over here please Oh thank you very much All right This must be the oldest police station I’ve ever been in Actually we rank second We’re just a couple of minutes younger than Devil’s Island Hey hostage He’s got a kidney stone Is he uh all right the doctor gave him some pills He’s on his way over Oh a kidney stone can be quite painful It should be avoided at all costs Um this is Mr Hollowman Captain Oh how’d he do Captain he uh spent the weekend in Seagull’s department store Yeah Uh now they want to press charges for breaking and entering I didn’t break in And how did you get in well I went there last Saturday for some samples Uh miniature hot dogs little cheese pieces Then I got sleepy and when I woke up the store was closed Where did you sleep in the executive washroom What they’ve got a television set in there I’m afraid you can be held for trespassing Mr Harlem But that didn’t hurt anything I was just watching television Then I got hungry again So I went in the gourmet department and I opened a few cans But I’ll pay them back as soon as I get my social security check Why didn’t you get out of there before they found you i overslept Couldn’t find an alarm clock Okay Mr Holman But first downstairs we have to get some uh fingerprints and have a few pictures taken Huh pictures oh well I’m sorry I don’t look a little more presentable It’s okay Mr Mr Hollowman you look just fine Hey Hurst can you take him through yeah sure You too Fraser Hey look here man My picture going to be in the paper man Oh no baby We don’t want you to develop a following 12th precinct Woits Uh just a second Barney It’s Lieutenant Riley from narcotics He says he’s sending a guy over to pick up the marijuana we confiscated Okay tell him it’s waiting for him All right I was waiting here All 20 kilos Okay Why don’t you get it ready pull it out of the closet All right Hey Hey look who’s here Great How do you feel fine Fine Fine It’s uh just a little stone from eating the wrong foods You better uh you better call Bernice She was very worried I intend to I believe in giving credit where credit is due The doctor wants me to drink a lot of fluid so I can go to the bathroom a lot Oh you mean uh just go on as if nothing had happened Yeah See uh I thought you guys said you got 20 uh kilos of marijuana That’s right That’s it There’s 18 now What 18 You sure just counted it Count it again Um you must have made a mistake won’t you i didn’t make a mistake Well somebody did 4 lb of marijuana can’t disappear in a puff of smoke Not that You sure you didn’t make a mistake there were 20 kilos when I brought it in this morning There’s a lot of things I can’t do but counting isn’t one of them It’s 18 kilos Bonnie Check out the closet Oh it’s clean Check it out again Look behind those shelves on the floor I don’t get it I mean we’re the only ones who got the key to that closet Where could it be confiscated drugs missing from police stations It’s going to make a wonderful headline Well I got bit by a rat I was moving one of the boxes in there and he jumped out and bit me Where is he now he’s in there I shut the door on him I’ll get him I ain’t got a lot of experience with that kind of thing What were you doing kneeling on the ground no man He just stood up on his hind legs and bit me [Applause] Hey Fish How you doing i don’t know I’m waiting Hey Fish Does it hurt when those stones come out can’t be too bad The doctor says it’s like giving birth [Applause] Um yeah May I help you becker from Becker and Southern You called for an exterminator Oh yeah Okay Wait just a minute Barney the exterminator’s here Captain will be right with you sir No hurry I work by the hour How do you do i’m Captain Miller Sam Becca from Becca I understand you got rats One of my men was bitten by one We wouldn’t have called you but we couldn’t get a good shot at him You used a gun shame on you We don’t consider rats an endangered species Mr Becker Yeah they just love old buildings like this Rotten wood rummy plaster walls It’s home They could run up and down these walls for years and you’d never know it There goes two of them now Oh boy Did you hear something no they don’t make any noise Sometimes sometimes they can go in and out so fast you never even know they’ve been dead If they’re very small right if they’re big they’ll tear you to pieces Oh my god [Applause] Okay looks like I’ll be in and out of here all day I got to set traps make plans for strategy Better call Kogan Tell him that Mr Becker is going to be floating around the building Will your son be coming too what son is that the name of your firm beckerin son I’m the son My father died 10 years ago I still keep his name on the truck You know matter of respect huh bonnie I can’t find that guy He must have been some stupid runner All right don’t worry about it We’ll catch up to him sooner or later What I’d really like to get my hands on is that 2 kilo of grass Oh I know Hey see the doctor yeah And oh he uh he put some stuff in it and then uh just put a band-aid on That’s fine Yeah sure Feeling all right Woodro yeah great You sure well I guess I’m sort of worried I mean I I just I figure the rat might have rabies Rat rabies yeah There hasn’t been a case of rat rabies in New York City for I don’t know how long Now bubanic plague bubanic plague I just wiped out about half of Europe once It’s a long time ago Would you relax it was a long time ago It might come back Everything comes back Everything but narrow lapels Law precinct Your mana Barney needs for you The singles department store I’ll take it in my office too Hey is that about me yep Keep your fingers crossed I can I’ve got arthritis Hey uh fish what what what happens when you get bubanic to play your tongue swells up You can’t talk and you can’t eat God hope I don’t have it With some people it’s an improvement Hey son What did you do with that police car you stole i gave it to my mother You must love her very much [Applause] Delveio narcotics Fish diuretics That’s funny Not at 3:00 in the morning I’m here to pick up the 20 kilos of grass Captain Miller’s on the phone No wait Uh delve Uh I’m Woitz I’m I’m the guy that talked to uh Sergeant Riley and I told him that there was 20 kilos of marijuana See but actually it was only 18 Oh yeah Yeah Yeah You see uh see Fish here was the guy that counted it in the first place and uh and he he uh was in hurry and so he probably got it wrong Gee whiz What an unfortunate mistake Right Right Could have happened to anybody Oh we have a saying about that Don narcotics No kidding What is it chi whiz What an unfortunate mistake [Applause] [Applause] Holland store decided not to press charges Well yeah it’s very nice Maybe I should pop around and thank them in person Uh if I were you I’d uh settle for a telephone call Well in that case I’ll have to wait till the first of the month Nick would you get Mr Hollerman’s personal effects he’s wearing them I mean the uh brown envelope in the safe Oh those personal effects But Captain Miller I didn’t have anything when I came here Oh you don’t understand the penal system of the state of New York You see when a person does time on the day he’s released the state gives him $20 just to make sure he gets off on the right track But I’ve only been up the river 2 hours You still get the 20 bucks Here you are Barney $14.35 $5.65 65 cents off of good behavior Ah you’re very kind Now son don’t let this fool you Crime doesn’t pay I bet he hasn’t the slightest idea where he’s going to sleep tonight I know where I’m going to sleep tonight And it’s no bargain either Uh this is Detective Delveio of uh Narcotics who came over to collect the 20 kilos of marijuana which I explained to him there were only 18 on account of what happened with fish this morning Well the point is that I think we’ve got a miscount I understand Wowski explain the whole thing to me Wo Jehovah Just just just like you spell it Wo Jehovah Look we thought that is we assumed that we had 20 kilos of grass but in reality we only had 18 right i I I thought we had uh I mean I Listen fellas You don’t understand Doesn’t matter to me 10 15 Give me what you got I’ll take it back You got 18 kilo Beautiful It’s better than nothing right you’ll get the stuff Look Look The point is when you change the number on the report downtown I I want to make sure that all the circumstances are explained Oh listen to me The less you say about this the better You don’t get the point I want it on the record Whatever you say You guys do quite a job You lay your life on the line every day Hey man Come on We get paid to do that Of course we do We get paid We get pensions I mean what 2 kilos of grass What does that come to why is it two grand i would give them 30 bucks a lid They would take it You’re on business Vjo fill out a receipt for 18 kilo and have Delveio sign it I’ll sign a blank and fill out later That’s not the way we do business around here That didn’t sound right That’s not the way we operate around here We do everything by the book according to regulations above board I believe you You don’t look like you do Oh it’s my face I mean this face doesn’t look like it trusts anybody When I proposed to my wife she thought I was joking This face it’s a curse There you go Sign here Oh that’s nice doing business with you Captain There’s an old expression live and get well That’s live and be well What are you saying where’d you get this uh the officer told me to bring it up here He said you guys were looking for Where’d you find it in the basement behind a boiler I was getting ready to set a trap when I saw this great big packrat down there Pack rat i should have guessed He had it stacked against the wall and he was eating off this one Oh that explains it The rat heisted the grass You don’t believe it it’s my face [Applause] Hey look In my building they come big I mean they they come big enough to move the furniture That’s right This one stood up on his hind legs and gritted his teeth at me Yeah I know that one Well I picked up a shovel and I clobbered him and he just laid there with a smile on his face [Applause] You were satisfied absolutely When I get downtown I’ll explain it to him exactly the way it happened Let me see Now you guys had a rat It stole the grass The rat ate the grass The rat didn’t light the grass So the rat sent it back See you guys [Applause] think he believes it Would you [Applause] yeah Okay Thank you Hi there Hi Barney You finished at court uh yeah The uh Frasier kid was arraigned yesterday He’ll probably get a year suspended two years probation Uh WJO’s assigned to the DA’s office today and Chano and Ymano are still down at narcotics giving affidavit I didn’t think Delveio would be too convincing Hey I mean as long as we’re sure what’s the difference do you really think that rat had a smile on his face i would What’s happening you cats open for business hey Frasier What’s happening you back in trouble already no brother Now see I came to do you a favor Yeah What’s that i got some information which uh I’d be willing to exchange for a little long green You know what I mean what kind of information it’s heavy Woo heavy How much 50 Give you five Lay it on me If we want Hey if it’s not important to you cats you guys do not have to pay me Yeah let’s have it Fish past the stone [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Warren what am I supposed to do about Mr Rodriguez look Miss Alzando you must understand that sooner or later you’re going to have to vacate that building and go where well I can’t tell you precisely Neither can anybody else But there are departments uh city agencies that are there to to help you be relocated We talked to them already and they’re going to take us under advisement It’s too cold outside to be taken under advisement Dietrich I don’t have to remind you about the uh danger of getting personally involved with a suspect I can handle it boy I mean this is no Mickey Spain novel where a hardboiled detective falls for the beautiful amnesiac She’s just another case to me with your average sensational gams What happens easy What’s You won’t believe what happens sir We get there We take them in at the hotel We come out of the door and all of a sudden about two dozen patrol cars come roaring up in front of the building Sirens blaring brakes screeching I’ll tell it I just wanted to do the color I’m here in the official capacity Bonnie to inform you that as of now and pending final decision of the official review hearing you’re being relieved of command and placed on modified assignment Are you joking all right Now I guess I’m uh I’m supposed to pass these on to the next in command who’s seeing you run Nick Oh my god Is this the uh detective squad room Yeah Uh Nick Yeah Oh anything I can do for you who are you detective Yman Actually I’m acting uh in the Yeah I’m Vogle Lieutenant uh temporarily in command Is that the office yeah that’s uh where Yeah thanks Listen I’m Sergeant Wo Oh yeah We’ll talk about that later Meanwhile why don’t you guys just uh do what you always do I hate him First Yeah We got to go over to the hotel Report to Sergeant Rosmore Manhattan South command post Oh it’s exciting It’s my uh first real allout assault Uh Nick Yeah Hey listen Uh I I want to tell you that I think you did a good job uh taking over Didn’t get a chance to do much Well you didn’t blow nothing Got a new tie Uh look it’s it’s it’s like William Henry Harrison you know i mean he was president for only a month or so and had a rather short undistinguished term Uh but then again I mean he didn’t do anything wrong you know You had only one month Uh yeah He sort of uh died He caught a cold at the inaugural ball Well at least I didn’t die That’s the right attitude [Applause] [Music] Hey Barney Egg How’d it go pretty much as I expected Oh my god No it was not They asked why I did what I did and uh why I didn’t do what I didn’t do For the most part it was civil That’s good We were ready to testify in case you needed character witnesses Well thanks but it wasn’t necessary Where are all the uh character witnesses manchester Hotel Oh yeah Anything new nothing new So uh how’s it been going i mean uh taking over the reigns of authority as it were Uh I’m lucky that I still have my help William Henry Harrison Oh Barney Hello Now that comes later First you go knock and then I say come in and then we say hello Didn’t think anyone would be in here I’m uh Captain Miller Oh yeah Well I’m uh I’m Lieutenant Vogle Temporary command while you’re under suspension Lieutenant Uh may I sure Go ahead You know you act like this is the first time This is the first time I’ve been suspended No no I mean the first time the uh department ever goured you I mean I know I know all about you I heard all about it What was it you were trying to do act humane the department and I had a difference of opinion I happened to have my methods and they have theirs What are you brainwashed i mean somebody kicks you in the face and you don’t even feel it huh lieutenant I just don’t feel there’s any point in becoming bitter about it Why not makes you feel good Yeah me too Oh hey man What happened how’d it go oh listen Fine Uh I should be uh I should be hearing something later today Yeah Well I think it stinks You know they got a lot of nerve crucifying someone with your record I appreciate it Listen I appreciate all of your support but don’t worry about it Huh hey man How are we not going to worry i mean you could have been suspended fired kicked off the force Didn’t the possibility of a quiddle occur to anyone oh yeah Well sure did It’s a possibility Uh well what’s going on down the hotel it’s like a marine invasion down there Yeah but uh tasteful Wonderful They got blue and whites all over the place Tactical weapons squad Some shots got fired Shots Well no one was hit Thank God for small favors They were breaking out the tear gas when we left Wonderful Sounds like quite a party Yeah Well look Bon just for the record uh I just want you to know that we think you made the right decision Really yeah Wonderful Look thanks I appreciate it Sure Look let me uh clear your desk Oh no You can use my desk No no no no no It’s your desk Hey come on I like to stand Come on I’ll sit over there by the window I’ll sit by the window Won’t show you sit Use your desk That’s an order Make that a request from an associate That’s cute Morning miss Uh I still don’t know All right But she has been recalling some images Doctor says that’s typical Although she could remember everything at any time I hope so At least I think I hope so It’s a little frightening not knowing what your past is going to be like True Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll be right with you you won’t be gone long will you no Uh Dietrich Uh you think uh maybe she’s getting a little overly dependent on you it’s only natural she would I’m the first person she met so naturally she could confide in me more Yeah but she she was just telling me this little squirrel on a window sill this morning She said he sat up he looked at it and he waved Cute Seems to be the standard reaction Are you making any uh progress on an ID she had a stub of a bus ticket Harrisburg to New York And nothing from Harrisburg So I’m checking the schedules of the buses They went to Harrisburg that day So one of the cities should have something Good idea Sergeant Dietrich come to By the beautiful Well looks like you didn’t get scratched up too much huh no not too bad I thought you were on vacation I am I’m on it now Can’t you tell no tan No tennis record Nah I don’t going for that sussy stuff Bonnie beside you just dropped by to see how you’re making up Well thank you I I appreciate it Right Hey Bonnie I uh I stopped in that little travel agency down around the corner you know Picked up a few brochures Look at this one Bonnie That Playboy Club like Geneva Wisconsin you know Get a load of this Look at them running around them skimpy little bunny outfits in the snow Huh let’s see what they wear in the summertime Huh huh yeah [Applause] Well I sent notices to all the towns within 200 miles of Harrisburg So we should know something in a couple hours Good It’s It’s just that who knows what I might find out It’s a little frightening Suppose I’m married with children Time to be bright Hey would you have any objections to me calling you Mary no And in fact it has a sounds kind of familiar I always like that name Is it your mother’s could be I only knew her as mom [Applause] Uh Lieutenant Vogle Uh Spectre Luga Lieutenant Vogle is temporarily in command Logan how you doing well they sent me here didn’t they ah Lieutenant Rossmore Harris Who’s in charge around here depends on the time of day Lieutenant Bogle Yeah Lieutenant Ross Moore Manhattan South Bogle a 38 way out on Staten Island So what nothing I got orders to pick up Captain Miller What’s that uh this uh Lieutenant What’s What’s going on i have been ordered I mean requested to ask you if you want to come over to the Manchester Hotel By whom hey look It’s not my idea My captain wants it One of our guys winged a tenant Now everybody’s starting to get nervous about the publicity and the public opinion Not to mention the danger to human life I didn’t mention I noticed Right Anyway they want to know if you want to try talking to those nuts inside with the guns Why me because those nuts inside with the guns said they won’t talk to anybody but you I wouldn’t go Yes you would Well maybe I would But you don’t owe the department nothing They got a lot of guns down there Whoa Joe they’re reasonable people They can be talked to Hey listen If I had my way we’d had that building cleared out by now We’d all be back at our desks I bet Let’s go Russ Be careful You said it [Applause] Miss Alzando I warned you that this situation would get dangerous and it has and the odds are all against you Excuse me He wants for you to talk louder Does he speak English no Somebody’s going to get hurt They’re not afraid of getting hurt They’re afraid of leaving their home They’re afraid of leaving their friends of losing their community of losing and you don’t understand that That’s true I I don’t understand that But I do know what you’re talking about And you know I know what you’re talking about or you wouldn’t be talking to me now Can you tell them uh where they’re going to live can you tell them where they’re going to uh work you know personally I can make a living anywhere Alzando the fact of the matter is that this property does not belong today Now you went to court You tried to get the eviction changed and you couldn’t do it You tried to get an extension on the eviction You couldn’t do that either We do not leave until we have a place to go Everybody all together But there are 60 policemen out there with weapons who are not going to go away Now don’t you understand that situation important important uh cookies No thank you Uh gracias No Please Miss Alzando please tell them that I will do everything in my power to see to it that each and every one of them is properly relocated Sure You don’t think they’ve been told that before please tell them I respect their position I know that they are determined I know they have courage I know they have weapons but they can’t win All right look You have you have friends in here well I have friends out there Now Miss Alzando somebody is going to get killed because this place is going to be cleared out one way or another Now I don’t know about you but I don’t have enough friends that I can afford to lose even one Okay It’s a very good question Mr Rodriguez Very good question Sergeant Dietrich Message and photo coming over the wire for you Oh my god Thanks I’ll go get it Right Jumpy little thing ain’t she well I’ll be right back I’m scared Me too Hey Bar Glad to see you Yeah good to see you Look we we tried to get through but uh we couldn’t Yeah What went on over there i went in I talked to them and uh that’s it I mean I gave it my best shot How long Manhattan South holds off well that’s the question Your name is Jennifer Duca My god That’s right I think I’m a nun I wasn’t going to mention it if you did [Applause] Me again Oh Mr Walsh I’m glad to see you I um that’s the first time anybody has ever said that to me Boy I’ll tell you sometimes this job really gets to me You know I’m not proud of some of the filthy rotten things I’m forced to do You understand mr Walsh you’ve been drinking Oh yeah For years I’m very good at it Mr Walsh Look Mr Walsh those people down at the Manchester Oh see if I can assure them of of a place where they could all go together Well your company has a a lot of empty buildings right oh dozens and dozens My point is if if if if it were possible I I see where you’re going You want me to get the company to allow them to move into one of the other buildings Exactly They wouldn’t do that Why not because we are not responsible for those people But they’re human beings So what do we care draxler Bos is a very big corporation We’re interested in the development of real estate not the the petty problems of human beings That is a singularly stinking attitude Why do you think I drink look Mr Borch it can’t be very good for your corporate image to have armed police invading your hotel killing a few stubborn people in the name of urban renewal That’s true Well then it may not be such a bad idea to pass my suggestion along Harris dial a number for Mr Walsh Sure If he can say it I can dial it Yeah Excuse me What what is it meet sister Jennifer Duca Sister as in uh as in that’s the way it goes Good work Goth Yeah wasn’t it what the hell do you mean it’s not our responsibility well it’s easy for you to say sitting there in your office with your secretaries and your plants You don’t have to do any of the dirty work You don’t have to see their pathetic ridiculous faces when I tell them they’re going to get shot out of their homes How do you like that for a corporate image baby uh Barn Barn some of the people are coming out of the hotel Oh thank you Not Not all of them The hooker went back in to talk to restaurant You’re referring to Miss Alzando alzando yeah Captain they said yes They’re going to give him another building Mr Walsh I’m proud of you My god I got to sit down Yeah right here Mr Walsh Just have a seat Mojo get on the phone Tell them down the hotel we’ve got someplace for them to go Right Barn uh we do have someplace for them to go right yeah until they tear it down Well that that won’t be for a couple of months Months One step at a time Mr Walsh One step at a time Karen Yeah I’m going to take her over to Manhattan South Okay Arthur if you don’t mind I’d like to go back to Captain and Dietrich Like yeah well sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get too familiar Well it’s all yours again What commissioner’s office just called Seems like you’re back in the saddle again Congratulations Bonnie Way to go That little hippy dripy you pulled this afternoon helped get you reinstated But you’re still officially reprimanded Reprimanded they got a hell of a nerf I take that as a personal insult My apologies Inspector It’s okay Well so long boys Thanks for the use of the hole That’s hall Whatever [Applause] [Music] I want to thank you very much for all your help Well you’re welcome But uh it’s really Sergeant Dietrich you have to thank I I think I did but I can’t be sure Dri I’m sorry Hey don’t worry about it When I lose I lose to the biggest [Applause] [Applause] [Music] Hi wife Hi boss God every damn one of them Oh inspector How’s it going give me a bit of a turn there You know how’s it going ah lousy Lozy we’re going to have a handsful today Bonnie you know half the division already called in sick Commissioner’s boiling over I don’t think it’ll last too long You know traditionally the blue flu is about a 24-hour virus Yeah I I don’t think so this time on it There’s going to be a full-fledged strike You know I hear the guy’s beefing about the working conditions the hours they’ve been putting in the the pay We’ve heard that before Lot of stinko pinko talk They got a point there you know Point What kind of point they got you know cop is a cop supposed to be out there in the street whipping the citizenry into shape Not supposed to crawl around the sidewalk and he slides down with this down with that In the old days we’d have been there with the nightsticks you know wrapping some sense into the cheesy skull Emotions are running high I’m I’m afraid this liable will be a confrontation just like that I certainly hope so But your boys Bonnie expect them all in I haven’t heard anything to the contrary No And you won’t neither Barney because your men respect you Huh that’s more than I can say for most of the captains in my division [Music] 12 precinct miller speaking Oh hello Kogan Oh really sorry to hear that Is it uh serious headache fever chills anger [Music] it’s an unusual symptom Oh it’s been coming on for some time Well uh stay in bed till you cool off Okay Ungrateful irresponsible swag clue How you got to stop on i’m afraid so Yeah sure Imagine cops walking out on the jobs huh physically Barney It just makes me I don’t know what I think Think about Don’t think about it Don’t Hello inspector Hey Barn Joe Oh Joe ho wit h the old bulldog for you right Barney You know when the going gets rough can always depend on the polockish people Thanks No no no I mean it I mean it won’t Joe the foreign element you know they’ll never turn their back on you They come over here to our country They grab us some jobs and real estate Freedom huh they appreciate it though right joe fre on that lead boy Anyway he teared down the building with his bare hand Uh WJO do me a favor Let’s get those quarterly reports out today I uh don’t know what our strength is going to be like Um anyone else in yet no Guess I’m early huh anybody calling kogan How is he flu All right we’ll Don’t worry Just go right in here I I don’t want to be any trouble Not at all You’re a victim It’s good for business Morning gentlemen Your tragedy is our incentive We We just love to see nice people get in trouble Dri right right Good to see you Dietrich Good to see you too No I really mean it Me too My uh my facial expressions can be deceiving All right Uh Dietrich what have we got here what we got here Captain Miller is a tribute to you sir Spector No no I mean Bonnie he’s going to respect you They worship you Put you up on a throne like some kind of idol Uh brought you sacrifice Captain Sacrifice i was joking You know do you ever see the Jungle movies where they sacrifice the virgins i got what i’m Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know Excuse me Nick What do we got uh Barney this is Miss Lane She was robbed She belonged to one of these uh daily services and uh this guy called and said that he was referred to her came over and robbed her But he wasn’t with the service huh no he was good-look right but yes see what you can find out Okay this way Miss Lane I was just saving myself for marriage I put a few bucks away uh every week too Morning Morning Hey Detective Harris Morning What I tell you mommy follow the leader Morning Inspector Want you to know you’re a credit to that badge Harris Thank you It’s an old suit came up the uh back way huh oh uh yeah just a little variance in my routine Kind of breaks up the day Uh barn Uh that was Bernice Fish isn’t coming in today He He’s like he’s got the flu Flu well I’ll uh I’ll just use his desk till he gets back on his feet Little sarcasm there Oh shows huh young punk kids Bonnie they’re causing the trouble You know these new centurions What are they trying to prove they want to go out on a strike Wanted to be truck drivers not cops That’s where the money is Well well what what are you going to do depends Depends on what what you’re talking about i’m talking about the strike It’s not a strike It’s a show of solidarity It’s a demonstration of common goals to point up to the city that there’s a need for major reforms We’re all supposed to march out It’s to get their attention Going to put the establishment under public pressure to affect some kind of action How about you Dietrich you going to demonstrate at noon i haven’t made up my mind yet Figured you would have studied all the issues by now I have I’m opposed to more budget cuts and layoffs Yeah I’m opposed to reducing our manpower to where our jobs become more dangerous Right on The very foundations of our futures are being threatened and I’m adamantly opposed to that Me too I’m going I’m going with you All right But I haven’t made up my mind yet [Applause] I never realized before that so many men had criminal records That’s what happens when you break the law You get a criminal record we get a pile of those records here and a person like yourself comes by and says that Why i never realized that so many men had criminal records I’ll get downstairs to survey the situation Inspector you ought to be proud of your men Bonnie I am blind obedience Only the great ones get it Bonnie Ours is not the reason why All right ours Bonnie uh what do you want to do with Miss Lane did you find anybody in the mugbooks 12 she’d like to settle down with Why not the name of the guy maybe he’ll use the same name again and go through that date book of hers and contact the most likely targets Petri will give you a hand I’ll do it but it’ll take a long time to call them all Do as many as you can I won’t work one day more than 30 years [Music] Hey you got a convention up here compared to what showed up downstairs How many showed up me Uh Crocetti and Bloom three out of 48 Loyalty is a rare and precious human quality Yeah I uh I thought I’d point it out to Captain Miller as long as I’m upstairs Not that I don’t feel a responsibility to my fellow officers I I mean conditions being what they are I get burned up at the whole administration I kid you not It’s 5 of 12 Time for talk is over I mean it’s a question of solidarity right now A united front a concerted effort all of us together It’s our only option I’m going I’m staying Who cares you coming Nick i’ll go prove a point I’ll go along Dietrich you with us i’ll go All right The music stopped Everybody’s supposed to grab a chair Going for me It’s unanimous Okay see you around I’m not going sir I’m not surprised Le thank you sir Fine We felt safe Okay Ojo No explanations necessary Well precinct Captain Miller speaking Yeah just a minute Let me get that uh address Okay we’ll have somebody right over there Oh what is it von liquor store hold up in progress We’ll take it Hey Mojo Look you guys are walking This is part of it I’ll take care of it Levit man the phones You can count on me sir I’m taking it I’m going with him Okay Look we’re checking this one out and then we’re going I understand What are we supposed to do nothing We’re on strike We’ll wait here for you guys and we just won’t work Good It’ll be fun You know we’ll stay here and we won’t work I don’t feel any different [Applause] Is this your first what first strike Yeah How do you like it so far got nothing to compare it to I hear they got some uh they got some pretty powerful labor unions over in Japan Yeah I got an uncle that’s a head of a Garmin union over there Those strikes over there get pretty violent don’t they yeah he gets thrown into the jail a lot I guess you could call him a rabble rouser or a raere [Applause] It’s you know ethnic humor It’s part of our heritage Excuse me Sergeant Ymana I finished looking at those books Okay What should I do now i don’t know We’re demonstrating Oh I heard you talking about it What is it that you want dignity security respect Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all you had to do to get something was to demonstrate that sounds escape doesn’t it um is there anyone here I could talk to uh Barney Yeah I looked at all the men in your photo albums but I couldn’t find anybody Sorry to hear that I’m used to it Did you uh did you give Sajima a list of the missing items i would but he won’t do anything How you feel how’s everything going along up here Bonnie yeah Okay Outstanding They’re pretty exc What’s this lover downstairs told me everybody walk well that seems to be the plan as soon as WJO and Harris come back from a call In the meantime what we’ve got is a sit in Sit in Must be kidding Make your manor you of all people seemed like the right thing to do The right thing to The right thing to do Nick is to stand fast and continue to serve the public and your leader Where’s all all that old Japanese loyalty huh how about them kamicazi pilots in World War II remember bonsai that was dedication Was also very ineffective What the kamicazi program was a failure The losses in manpower and equipment never balance with actual inflicted damage Most of the pilots were just very bad Oh yeah Good ones couldn’t get past practice Get in here Listen What kind of a police strike is this you guys are supposed to be not working today N keep it quiet Ah you scamps Knock it off Uh we got him coming out of the liquor store bar and uh he grabbed about 300 bucks and he used this and I got a permit for that Oh that makes all the difference in the world Joe book him Uh let me just do this You know the city’s dying out there There’s nothing you guys can do about it They’re killing each other off one by one and it’s going to be the end Excuse me Uh 12th precinct Cat Miller speaking Hold on one second 12th precinct Cat Miller speaking Uh no man The police department has not resigned Just a little internal dispute Yeah Okay I’ll take that information Uh uh hold on one second Priest and Captain Miller Uh look can you hold on one second yeah Uh inspector inspector it’s starting to get a little busy around here Could you give us a hand i sure spoil it buddy Okay sure thing You know anything you want You You maybe between the two of us could run the whole precinct all by yourself Okay Without any help from the I want this now what that you know what just thinking about it my uh Don’t think about it just keep it out of your mind Inspector uh we need some more information from Miss Lane Oh yes of course How do you know Mr L my pleasure I’m Inspector Franklin Duger NYPD at your convenience And night or day Thank you Inspector We need a list of the items that are missing Oh sure Yes Why don’t you sit down here for a minute Miss Lane while we’ll check out your goodies [Laughter] Hey who’s your employer oh listen Why are you bothering me with the stupidity why aren’t you out there on the picket line with the other cops just give me your employer Oh listen I hate scabs I hate scabs worse than I do with the bosses Look nobody cares about you Nobody cares about anybody Listen why aren’t you out there let the public be damned The hell would the public we’re doing this for the public Don’t give me that The public hates cops I know I hate cops I’m part of the public Listen they give you guys your guts right i have to go out and find mine And they make it very hard because they say that makes it easier for the criminal That is baloney It just makes it harder for guys like me You are a criminal Yeah Now [Applause] uh yeah just hold on a minute 12th precinct Cam Mill is speaking Yes And he took two silver candlesticks I always use candlesticks for intimate dinners Well you know what I mean no no I I never use them myself I uh I generally like to check things out first you know under fluorescent lights I don’t want something jumping out at me that I ain’t never seen before I think you should know sir It’s getting pretty ugly out there May be necessary to use force There it is There it is The beginning of the end The beginning of the blood bath And Charlie Pvette could care less These cathedrals of progress are going to come tumbling down in rubble Fires are going to light up the streets of the city Every man woman and child is going to be dead And the winner is going to be Satan And little Charlie Pette is going to be there to applaud his good works You want to make a statement i got nothing to say Let’s go in the cage In the cage Right Right We’re all animals That’s where we belong In the cage You’re an animal I’m an animal We’re all animals We’re all savage beasts scratching and crawling and mauling each other My name’s Lana [Applause] Okay guys Let’s get going [Music] 12th precinct Catal speaking Well Joe you uh you ready yeah Just let me give this uh hold on a minute ma’am Our dating robber just called again Lady says he’s on his way over Ma’am if you give us your address we’ll have somebody waiting for him Okay Apartment Okay Thank you ma’am Can’t do it Barney not this time Barney we have to do Spectre What do you say i’ll take it Captain I guess you know you might as well have just stuck a knife into his gut Inspector twisted it around in his orans Spector is almost there huh that too Caesar Brut Ah you know what I mean Uh Barney will see you later See you Barn Look Take care Amigo trick I don’t joke about things like that Ken It’s a black day at the 12th Le not now I understand sir You want to be alone [Music] shoot me This is funny ain’t it what’s that there’s no weather report in the paper Maybe we ain’t going to have any Must be the spray cans You know that the weatherman can’t see through all that underarmmed deodorant up in the clouds Well cruise man Look at this Harris Now we got to pull all the catalytic converters off the squad cars Oh wow We just put them on there Got to take them off Seems they’re eating up too much gas Hey look What’s more important preventing smog or conserving energy last month America wanted to live This month it wants to go to the mountains Is that guy still in there ah that that dude is tearing the bathroom up man He makes $22 an hour He makes more than the commissioner He’s got a more important job than the commissioner [Applause] Hey Yeah Hey man How much longer are you going to be in there i don’t know but you’re in pretty bad shape You got salt water coming out of the sink Hey look where we getting salt water from I don’t know but it’s turning brown Oh well then it must be from the Atlantic Ocean cuz the Hudson River is black Hey uh I also found a hat in your toilet Finders keepers [Applause] Hey you all right i’m getting dizzy going up and downstairs all morning The only toilet that works in this building is on the first floor How many times you been up and down let me see I had uh I had three cups of coffee Yeah And uh so that’s uh five trips You know you better have a doctor look at your kidneys I did see a doctor He said it would be easier to fix the toilet Okay Uh I really am sorry to be causing such trouble Yeah Yeah Uh get over there will you what do you got here he’s a phony priest Barn he was out in front of the bank hustling Bibles Hustling Bibles You sure well he uh didn’t have any ID Barney and uh no permit And if there’s anything that ticks me off it’s a guy that uses God to rip off the public All I did was offer Bibles in exchange for a small donation to the church Tell him what church What church the church of the street Pardon me I’m not familiar with that particular denomination It’s non sectarian for all of those whose inclination is to pray informally out there in the street Barney he’s operating a floating church Look at this Gideon Bibles Huh the uh Hotel Breth the Alangquin Hotel the high hat in Taco New York wherever people wish to worship Where did you uh where’d you get these Bibles M uh what do they call you father Paul they can’t call you father cuz you’re not a Catholic priest But I am a father I guess that means uh you have children Exactly Have a seat Uh father in Warjo huh i mean uh better check it out I’m not even too sure there’s been any laws broken Boy he probably swiped them Bibles They could have been donated He’s making a con out of religion Are you sure the Church of the Street Barn Nowadays people need a lot of help Better check it out See if there is such a place as the Church of the Street somewhere Oh a barn Where do I look try the yellow pages page Can I help you yes I’d like to see the man in charge Well that’ll be Captain Miller but he’s a little busy right now Uh will you take a seat thank you I’m going downstairs to the bathroom Anyone uh need anything downstairs on the first floor 12 present fish Yes ma’am Describe the screen quickly [Applause] [Music] Yeah [Music] Sorry I’m late I had a meeting this morning The Internal Revenue Service How’d you make up make up I won Beautiful Oh yeah Yeah I’m not going to prison And they’re going to let me live but very poorly What’s the priest doing here i don’t know I guess capital punishment is getting big again Well I say he’s not a priest Oh yeah Yeah I say he’s a ripoff artist but uh Barney told me I got to check him out so that’s what I’m doing You know something if you’re not a priest you ought to be ashamed of yourself And if you are a priest good morning father [Applause] Can I help you no thanks Can I help you no thank you Everything that can be done has been done Any uh any coffee left you’re sure a glutton for punishment how long are you going to be fooling around in there fooling around fooling around that is the worst bathroom I’ve ever been in You know that i don’t remember what it looks like Sure Now you guys are always making jokes about plumber But when you’re in trouble who’s the first guy you call huh who the guy in the cage Looks like Captain Miller is going to be tied up for a while Uh are you sure there isn’t something I can do for you Mr uh Weber george Weber Yes I’d like some uh some warrants uh issued Who do you want arrested well first of all the governor of the state of New York Oh you two And there other requests Oh two three times a week Well I’ve got a list here of accompllices before and after the fact You know Fish I expect to pay for the privilege of living in this great country of ours but I will not be entirely disallowed I didn’t let you deduct anything Not one of my entertainment expenses How about on behalf of the New York Police Department who did you entertain in behalf of the New York Police Department fish I have access to certain avenues of information that uh have to be entertained once in a while Governor the mayor city council That’s what he said I was going to call Belleview but you said uh never jump to conclusions Check it out Did you i would have if it was just the mayor But the governor that’s big time That’s more your level You’re right Hey man Aren’t you uh a little warm with that coat on yes a little Well look um why don’t you take it off you know make yourself comfortable All right Thank you What the hell is that well you have uh kept you waiting Mr Weber I’m Cat Millet Don’t get up [Applause] Uh Mr Weber that appears to be a belt of dynamite sticks you’re wearing That’s what it is Captain Miller And this is a detonator Two or three ounces of pressure and the belt will explode and I dare say blow up the whole building Building goes up you go up with it That’s the whole point What would that accomplish just maybe somebody would pay attention to me I’m paying attention Well aren’t we all paying attention [Music] so why don’t you just put down the detonator and take off the belt no Well then wear it Wear it It looks wonderful You put your faith in somebody and they just make a fool of you I am sick and tired of being lied to and robbed and poisoned That’s the wrong way Mr Weber First try a divorce I’m not married I’m talking about politics It’s the wrong way there too Mr Weber Elections Barney’s right Mr Weber I You can’t put someone else in office if you blow up your vote Elections protests demonstrations These are cries in the wind Don’t you breathe the air out there we try to keep it down to a minimum Mr Well then read the papers Millions of people doomed to extinction trapped starved no clean water living in filth I agree with you The world’s in terrible condition I’m talking about New York City We try to set an example Does anybody care does anybody do anything we care We don’t We care Now we’re going to do something Mr Weber we’re going to do something right now Uh Sergeant Yman I want you to type out a warrant for the arrest of the governor of New York State Uh China you take the mayor right let me take the mayor Let you guys split up the city council Harris I want you to get on the phone to the district attorney’s office You tell them we want action right captain Miller you and I both know that you you can’t really arrest all those people Now don’t be such a pessimist Mr Weather How are we doing brother how we doing well I just reached the DA’s office He said they’re going to move Barney See Mr Weber don’t you give up Mr Weber we’re getting a lot of action for you Mr Weber Oh sure Why not i’d like to leave the room So would I It’s the coffee It’s the coffee Bonnie Uh yeah Um Mr However I wonder if it would be possible for Sergeant Fish to use the men’s room downstairs I don’t suppose it makes any difference It does to me I have a condition Mr Weber And between the coffee and and and your and your Here it is Bonnie Warrant for the governor’s arrest Um it’s all in there The violence corruption thievery He’ll get five to 10 I swear Here’s my warranty Here here’s three more I got the rent on Bonnie This is going to shake up pretty good downtown Mr Weber You watch See Mr Weber we are convinced that you are committed to a course of action and we are going to do everything we can to help you Now I have one request I would like to clear the building That’s all right with me I don’t want to hurt anybody Oh good Fine Okay you guys clear the upstairs uh channel Get that plumber out of the john will you finally he ain’t fixed it yet Take the first one Anyway the plumber Come on get out of here Hey I’ll be through Come on now Go on Come on Huh i mean you guys are all alike The minute you go into golden time somebody pulls the plug There’s a guy here who’s got a load of dynamite Oh listen You got to use a snake You’ll ruin the pipes with dynamite He’s going to blow himself up You want to go with him huh oh my god Just let me get my tools Hurry up Okay Would you wait a minute i just want to get my tools Excuse me if everybody’s leaving Uh Rojo come here Take Father Paul and uh take him over to 27 Father Paul Captain Miller I I’d like for the priest to stay Would you mind well me what for i’d like you to hear my confession I heard you when you were talking to him I’d like to have final absolution You got it Thank you So uh Mr Whoever this guy ain’t no priest I mean his absolution ain’t worth the paper it’s printed on Well I don’t have very much time I guess I’ll just have to risk it You’re going to be all right You want a Bible you got any shame found me Oh thank you Won’t you find yourself a new Dodge i mean you know religion is sacred to some people I got about $140 coming to me send us a bill here at the station house Yeah Yeah But suppose it ain’t here Mr Buckman your life is in danger I mean money can’t be that important to you If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t have become a plumber Mr Buckman we don’t have $140 Huh see we have to we have to make out a requisition And then it has to go down to police headquarters And then it goes to the controllers’s office If the controllers’s office okays it then it goes to borrow Accounting Then it comes back to me for my approval and signature and then finally they get paid That’s the way the system works Yes I know Bonnie’s building’s clear All right take off Good luck Mr Weber Barney Uh you go I’ll stay Barney stay It’s all right It’s all right Mr Weber said he doesn’t want doesn’t want anyone hurt So as long as I’m here nothing’s going to happen right this Bible is in Hebrew They’re downstairs man The bomb squad in the emergency service You want to go i want to try to convince Mr Weber that there’s a better way Also I confess I’ve grown fond of this building Captain you’d better go too Wait a minute Wait a minute You’re not going to convince him Look at his eyes Huh take off You know Mr Weber you got one heck of a lot of nerve I mean if you want to knock yourself off fine But why don’t you find yourself an empty lot or condemned building or someplace where you can’t hurt anybody what you have to come over here for you got one heck of a lot of nerve That That detonator may be sensitive to loud noises You have one heck of a lot of nerve Funny Captain he just doesn’t understand Sergeant Among is a very emotional man He has a high regard for human life He doesn’t like to see it wasted Well that’s how I feel That’s why I’m doing this Don’t you see no I I I I’m trying to understand your position but I must admit I’m a little confused Mr Weber Corruption treachery fighting in the streets pollution There’s nowhere to hide You’re not supposed to hide You’re supposed to try to make it better No it’s too late No it’s never too late It’s all over for us Captain It’s not all over That’s the easy way Survival is tough but it goes on All it takes is a little determination a little courage and a little faith Faith in what in human nature in science in technology in man’s initiative What about that that sea of sludge waiting out there 20 miles off the coast of Long Island breeding every disease is known to mankind In a few years it’ll be here There’s nothing we can do about it Also helps to have a little faith in the Gulf Stream It’s hopeless It’s not hopeless It’s not hopeless Stop saying that I mean if you don’t have any faith you might as well give it all up Hold it Let me rephrase that Captain you’d better get out of here I want to go through with this commitment while I still have the nerve Okay If you feel the world is coming to an end if you feel we’re all facing final extinction and you don’t have the guts to do something about it you just push that button Huh just give me a couple of minutes to get out of here Oh of course No forget about us Mr Weber Forget what I said about this building Listen maybe we’ll get a new building with some decent plumbing for a change I thought Mr Bachmann fixed it You don’t have any faith in mankind You have faith in plumbers Just forget about it Mr Weber Forget about us Don’t worry about us If this is the only commitment you’re stupid enough to make push it You don’t have to be insulting I’m sorry Go ahead Walk out I’m only willing to sacrifice myself for the good of humanity What do I need with a little courtesy h Don’t be so thin skin Thin skin thin skin you call me A man comes up here out of honesty and concern offering to blow himself to pieces and you can’t even control your temper I I’m sorry I uh I got a little annoyed I had a lot of things go wrong earlier in the day Forget about it It was just another disappointment But I thought I thought you understood what I was talking about Oh you put your faith in somebody you just get another kick in the behind It’s not true True I’ll tell you what’s true None of you worth saving It’s not true Oh you’ll find out You’ll find out One day you’ll lay your life on the line and see who appreciates it Nobody That’s who You’ll find out you can’t trust anybody to do anything I’ll take my chances Oh big deal Your ch I’m wearing the belt What chances you’re just like everybody else A lot of talk and no action You’re just another coward A coward A coward Huh now you’ve gone too far Mr Give me the belt Come on Give me the belt Okay Oh okay Wise guy Oh baby Are you in for it now wait till they start to kick you around Wait mock you disappoint you tear your heart out Way refuse to answer your call Boom Hello Yeah Yeah Cho it’s okay Have you got an aspirin uh yeah Cho uh would you send somebody up to uh diffuse this thing yeah thank you Yeah Cho everything’s okay up here Everything’s okay out there You know things could be a lot better There’s salt water coming out of that cooler [Applause] Anything I can do Bonnie fish do you know that there’s a sea of sludge off the coast of Long Island 40 miles square yeah I read about it And it’s coming to New York It’ll be here in a few years Doesn’t that worry you a little A little What’s going to happen when it washes up on the beaches well I can’t do anything about that But those are terrifying consequences I know but uh I never go to the beaches anyway Too many women running around Harley with nothing on And uh I can’t do anything about that either [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Another one [Applause] Gotcha Well Joe I’m under the desk You want to talk about it these cockroaches that drive me crazy Actually the cockroach is a remarkable creature existing on Earth since the Curan age over 400 million years ago Fascinating He’s one of the most durable and adaptive of all living things And he plays a vital role in maintaining the delicate ecological balance that’s necessary to sustain life on our fragile planet Got that sucker Was that Greenberg report finished yeah it’s right Uh guess I’ll have to retype it All the bugs in your bathroom were dead Thank you Mr Keller Don’t mention it They were dead already What about the bugs in my squad room oh I got to remove some of the molding over there And in a couple of hours there’ll be nothing in this room that can move I hope you’re referring to the insect What do you think i spray people I’m a professional A small attempt at human You know I got the power of life and death over these creatures They live in fear of me alone I’m their god their master There’s another one God I’ll be right there conversation I mean you’re supposed to cry and keep it down ladies Ladies what is that supposed to be some kind of sarcastic remark look there was no sarcasm intended but I can see your point Capture a pleasure as usual Oh Mr K Dynamite to see you again Captain Uh we were soliciting at uh Lafayette and 12th I was waiting for a bus She can handle one [Laughter] And this is uh Oh uh yes This is uh Robera Kurlin I’m Captain Miller How are you fine thank you How are you fine Just fine Ladies you all know the procedures Mr K if you’ll have a seat over there with Sergeant Harris and Miss Capshaw Paulie you work so well with Sergeant Yamina Can we ask you to sit over here can’t I just pay my ticket and go i just thought I really can’t stay too long Bear with us Bear with us Hey Barney Is he going to spray the whole room we got roaches all over the place Oh you sound like you’re going to miss them a little Heck they’re filthy slimy dirty little things Yeah but they kind of grow on you One of them always crawls up that leg and and and and while I’m making coffee in the morning and tries to steal a cube of sugar That’s about as close as I’ve ever come to having a pet Captain uh I’m sorry I uh sprayed over your microphone Microphone i don’t usually make mistakes I I didn’t know it was there Neither did we [Music] Yeah [Music] Heat [Music] Hey look mommy Who would be interested in what goes on in here anyway nobody Well what’s it doing there i don’t know It’s Look it probably hasn’t been operational in years probably left over from some old investigation or some new one There is no new one that we know about Look let us not read any melodramatic implications into this We have simply made a discovery that is a trifle uh terrifying disconcerting In any case it’s disconnected now There’s nothing to worry about Let’s just forget about it Huh bless there others Thank you Uh Barney maybe we better have a look around and see if we can find any more of the little devils Harris come on Well but Barney they’re not going to put in just one That’s right I will make you feel any better but uh just have a casual look around in the normal course of your duties Right I don’t think you’re going to find any Just a thought Whoa Joe Okay Barn I just Whoa Joe you’re letting us get the best of you Barn I just don’t think it’s anybody else’s damn business what the hell we talk about around here That’s right It’s like 1984 1942 Now look I I I understand that you all feel your privacy has been invaded Well I feel that way too I I feel the same way It’s just that I can’t see that there is any anything to be gained by overreacting Yes I found another microphone over your desk Excuse me Hey can’t you write me up i want to get out of here I got to look under your chair first Hey listen You uh you write me up first then we’ll talk about it Barney Yeah How many of them did you find in there how many what bugs in your office just the one Harris Just Just there was no Did you check on our guests uh yeah sure It was just the usual stuff Uh Duket and Capshaw both on probation No warrants How about the other one she’s clean She’s never been arrested before Nothing Well what stupid What i mean somebody’s trying to pick up information on a man like you if they are If they are Barney look you have honesty You have integrity You have sensitivity You’re dedicated and devoted to your job Thank you Har Sometimes I don’t believe you myself Look I don’t like the implications of this thing any more than you do but I intend to behave in a business as usual manner and I suggest you do the same Sure There’s no one listening to us Hello Excuse me but what happened to the officer who was waiting on me i must have stepped out ma’am but I’m I’m sure he’ll be back very shortly Look I’ll just pay the fine now How much is it i have the slightest idea I have $73 And if that’s not enough I million credit cards I American Express Diner Club Uh we don’t take those Bloomingdales Not even that What kind of place is this bloomingdales There’s no place in New York that just Take it easy Just take it easy We do not impose the fines That’s the business of the court Court I have to go to court Possibly Oh my god Oh god It’s a nice picture What is that your family no Looks just like you I suppose it is That’s your husband and children That’s Bill my husband The one with the snide to look That’s Billy Jr 13 Tracy 11 Those are the twins They’re 18 months Four kids Congratulations You’ve certainly kept your figure Well you know my business Mrs Kurland this is the first time you’ve ever done this isn’t it first time That’s a laugh You can go crazy in Connecticut you know Ironic isn’t it what’s that 4 million men in New York And the first guy who propositions me is a cop Beginner’s luck Tell me your husband know you’re in New York no he thinks I’m in the kitchen After the twins I jogbed for seven months you know to tighten up I figure I ran around the world twice Did he notice no Did he look no I just wanted somebody somewhere to look Must be a better way of attracting attention Maybe you know as amateurs like her that’s out there glutting up the market and bringing the prices down There are some areas Mrs Kurlin that are uh better left to the professionals Here here Warren you find any more bugs yet no Wo Joe we haven’t found any more bugs yet Doesn’t mean you’re not there That’s true What can we do about it what do you suggest would you should I get on the phone to internal affairs and say “Hi there Captain Miller here Uh me and the boys at the old one two were kind of wondering whether you were out to get us You think they tell us who they were?” Never hurts to ask Tracy Hi It’s mommy Listen Tracy Mother is going to be stuck in the city for a little while So if your father gets home before me just tell him I’m out He’s there No Tracy don’t go get him Tracy Hello Tracy Tracy Oh hi Bill How are you yeah I’m going to be tied up in town here Well it’s a little bit hard to explain Don’t jump on me I’m here What do you mean where no I don’t want you to come and get me No Please don’t get abusive Well all right If you must know I’m at the 12th precinct It’s just a police station Just an ordinary police station No No Please don’t come I’ll be home in a little while Please Bill No Bill Bill Bill Afternoon man Bye-bye Inspector boys downstairs telling you got a room full of cooties up here Yeah they’re pretty much gone by now Hey only three of them left huh you were referring to bugs Inspector Roaches El preinct crawlers Know how we used to get rid of them in the old days they lighted cigarette butts They give them a little on their rumps They scoot around the floor like bang their heads into a wall Knock them little braids out Matter of fact yeah that dumb bugs them kind of I’d like to know how we get rid of the other kind The kind that uh say again fortunately inspector we’ve discovered a couple of electronic listening devices This one came from over the cage Huh i don’t believe it Bonnie Huh who who want to slap a surveillance on you guys I have no idea Could be internal affairs Title of fat Title of fact I said it’s probably from some old investigation Old investigation You open it But anyway Bonnie I mean even even if these things are still working you could record any word spoken in this room and not one person have anything to be ashamed of or they’d have to answer for Right man That’s right Hey what brings you down here Inspector oh uh let’s uh let’s talk in your office somebody [Applause] I tell you Bonnie there ain’t nothing I could pass them head hunters Inspector at the moment this is pure speculation No no no I know all about them blue twerps They didn’t even try to get me for 20 years one You know why that’s because they’re jealous That’s why Jealous of my authority my position They’re jealous of the respect and admiration I get from every man in my command Price you pay yeah I was sucking around you know trying to find some little thing to twist and turn and misconrue it to something improper Snooping into your financial affairs investigating my sex life Always trying to find some little in your arms I think there’s something I should tell you There’s something I should tell you buddy I’m not just going to stand here idly by twiddling my thumbs or the honesty and the integrity of your menace being impuged and the sanctity of your squadrons being violated Now they’re going to be hearing from me downtown from Frank D Luga The blood suckers They may already have heard from you Yeah we also found a microphone in here [Laughter] How about this weather Bonnie nice Humid though Barney Excuse me I’m going to take the tacky trio down for pictures and prints Hey Mrs Curley here Whatever you say Barney Uh Capshaw Duket let’s go down and get some pictures and prints Well it’s about time This is uh Detective Harris I’ll be stepping out for a wee bit Pin four Bonnie I give you your office to once over Think it’s clean in there now Thank you Inspector Want some stuff in your couch this your quarter it’s my couch Oh well if anybody puts in a claim for it I ain’t know where to find me Run the lock [Laughter] Uh this is Detective Harris returning back from pictures and prints It’s enough already It’s just my way of coping And this is my way of coping Yeah Uh ladies you want to resume your positions please hey uh they sent me up here They said Roberta Hello Bill Roberta Bill please don’t make us The hell’s going on here who stole your clothes mr Carlin and I’m Captain Miller What’s going on why is my wife here was she mugged or something your wife has been detained Detained what’s detained arrested Arrested for what well actually u solicity Soliciting that’s prostitution There were many factors to be taken They must be kidding here Bill let me explain You were out on the street trying to pick up guys No guys were out on the street trying to pick up me Now look two of you Let’s calm down and see if we can deal with this You’re a Look is that all you can do criticize Okay Well they’re mitigating circumstances She’s a trip Mr Curley That ain’t a trip Mr Curly Looks like a trip All right Let’s just give it to him straight Mrs Curley No no no no Let’s just tell him like it is They finally got me Billy Boy They finally busted the hottest property the side of the run [Laughter] You think I spent all my time up the air in oatmeal and dirty shorts well you’re wrong I’m out there swinging through Manhattan knocking off the male population and then stuffing the money into a Switzer All that jogging paid off baby You’re nuts [Laughter] I’m nuts am I tell them girls Tell them how I’m number one out there in the east side Tell them how I’m queen of the village Go on tell them That’s her baby Biggest thing since the hula hoop One at the market Left us girls scounging around picking up crumbs So you see even if you’re not interested there are a lot of people who are I don’t believe you You see try and get a compliment if you can Listen I want her out of here Mrs Kurlin isn’t being held But I thought you said insufficient evidence Oh you mean she didn’t do nothing It appears Mrs Kurland’s first opportunity turned out to be a police officer Oh Roberta what is it he said we can go Oh yeah Big damn Roberta If that guy wasn’t a cop would you have you know what [Applause] [Applause] the uh Barney they got Duket and captur tickets downstairs All right ladies You free to go all right Well uh let’s not forget to check out at the desk Well I guess I’m going to be going I’ll look forward to seeing you again Yeah Well I wouldn’t mind that either I was speaking professionally Well me too Well Captain it’s been a pleasure as always See you And listen I don’t know what this bug stuff is all about but I just want you and anyone who may be listening to know that the men of the 12th are number one in my book I meant that figuratively of course [Laughter] We certainly have a quiet squad room tonight don’t we better safe than sorry Nick I can’t hear you Speak up Better safe than sorry Thank you And that goes for the rest of you Now uh what are you going to do spend the rest of your career speaking in hushes or talking to the plaster you are cops You are good cops You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of That’s what Inspector Luger said Sounds better coming from you Barney And uh to whom it may concern at the other end of those wires I would like to make an announcement We intend doing business as usual around here keeping the order protecting the public and occasionally making a mistake or two But consider this You too may make an occasional mistake and somebody may be listening to you Have you thought about that well think about it Captain what if I’d interest you to know that I traced the wires to the store room they’re all chewed up They’re chewed right through Rats probably Oh corroded rotten Must been there for years All that hugger mugger and no audience You son of good barn Even if no one was listening Thank you If anybody wants me I’ll be in my office Repeat performance [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] Oh by the way uh you guys are on your own this afternoon I got court Oh yeah Yeah Testify in the Gorman case You mean that little $8 million cocaine bust that we made the um one that’s getting all the publicity That’s the one Were you in on that i don’t remember In the past month we’ve had a dozen or so breakins at various facilities But the point is that we’re in the business of helping people who do things like this Well have you caught anybody yet no Well then how you going to help him that’s a good point I got cited for contempt Oh yeah I have to uh surrender to the officer of the court in two hours I’m going to jail Anyway the uh judge referred to me as an uncooperative witness Why refused to name my source of information Of course you can’t do that I mean it’s confidential Yeah we stop putting a finger in our squealers We might as well pack it in and go fish I love that kind of talk Of course you’re in charge during my absence Oh Barney I’m not You’re senior officer Yeah Barn but I mean they’re just the three of us now We got a disturbance over in Canal Uh you and Dietrich I’ll adapt Hey good looking [Music] Okay In the cage Have a pleasant evening You’re in my life Heat Heat [Music] Okay Take it [Music] Thank you I didn’t do it for you Look uh I don’t know how long I’ll be in here I don’t know how long you will But uh I’m Bonnie you reading uh no Good I don’t like being ignored So uh when did they serve breakfast around here sooner or later Thank you Guy before you always used to give me his milk Okay I just ate a little for the coffee We’ll talk about it later Huh stupid idiot Makes me sick They were all waiting for me I walked right into it made it easy for everybody especially for her Her and that damn poodle They used to be fine hunting dogs You know that love water Proud independent Then they made them small Gets you a little angry huh yeah I know what you mean Good Then explain it I run Arthur you’re late You’re right Bojo was already here He had to go out on a call alone Mhm Look Arthur um I realize it’s not that big a deal It’s just that um I think we all want to keep the squad room running as smoothly as possible So uh as long as I’ve been put in charge I think I’m entitled to the same respect you’d give to Barney Sure Good Oh Um how you coming with those quarterly crime statistics truman of garbage Okay I’m beginning to get used to this place Well that’s good Hey anything from Barney yet uh we haven’t heard anything Well I hope he’s not dead Us too Uh whoa What do we got well he got hit again last night Some creep kicked in the back door of the thrift shop Oh wonderful That’s what Barney always says Well he doesn’t own it Sergeant I made a quick inventory while we were there Um I’m afraid they made off with over $500 worth of hackable merchandise They took my Motorola It was the first radio I fixed as a recovering alcoholic on the work therapy program It only got one station All news in Korean But to me anyway it was special Don’t worry about it Raymond We’ll find it What are we going to do um hey maybe we should try uh going undercover Oh yeah Sure We could uh put you in one of them getups You could circulate uh move around the various facilities and uh see what you can find out This is not a getup Huh this is a uniform of a salvationist Sergeant A religious garment not a Halloween costume And regardless I can’t sanction it being used in the manner that you’ve suggested Okay It’s okay It’s okay It’s okay Melinda he just didn’t know You know it’s his first day in charge I understand Yeah Um look let’s fill out the report and then uh I’ll go back down there and just mingle around a little bit Dress like this That’d be fine Is that all right with you oh fine Fine Visiting hour is 20 minutes No shouting no abusive language no passing of notes Yes sir Sorry It’s a nice family We were going to break you up but they took our guns Well I appreciate the thought Look Barton we’re on lunch so we haven’t got a lot of time Oh yeah sure Look uh Barney did you hear anything from the department yet not a word How about you nothing Oh Well how was your night well uh all things considered not too bad I’m not used to sleeping alone Be thankful So when you go back to court this afternoon You get a lawyer yet uh Liz is out shopping for one right now No the one who’s suing me is quite good So uh everything okay down at Squadron oh sure Fine No problems Um everything okay Bart well you know within reason Yeah Well you you need anything nothing I can think of now Uh well I guess we we really better be going Barn Yeah Yeah Take it easy huh okay Good seeing you Cakes in the mail We’re all with you sir What was that see yellow ribbons I had one left over I figured the hell you’re worth it Thank you Have a good day one sir Let’s go Yeah All right Look I I’ll catch up with you in a minute All right Oh yeah Sure See I’m fine I’m really fine This is about me Oh and uh and Lieutenant Holly Lieutenant Holly yeah You know the uh the officer from the Salvation Army I’m working with oh the Salvation Army right yeah Well thing is that I really like her and I think that she likes me But the other thing is that she’s ordained and then so uh they’re not supposed to get serious except you know with their own kind So I I don’t know Whoa Joe you’re talking to a man in jail I sleep two feet from a toilet I share a son with a lunatic and won’t leave my breakfast alone I’m sure you can appreciate it’s a little difficult to focus in on on your problems with women Yeah right I’ll wait in your office Finished dinner Apparently I’ve been thinking about you Really you mind be my guest You are a very neat and tidy person even when you sleep I know cuz I’ve watched you So uh you follow sports much she did Oh she loved hockey The physical contact and violence excited her Really you a hockey fan Bonnie i go to an occasional Ranger game Yeah And you must have seen her I really wouldn’t know Sure you would She was the blonde in the black dress with a slit up the sleeve I’d have to think She knew the effect it had on men and I guess you were no different Pardon me First a little small talk Earine then a couple of drinks at the club level Then back to the plaza hotel Or maybe you suggested the Pierre Less conspicuous I agree Listen the hotel room champagne on ice and then you made love her flesh intermingling with yours And then you paused once in a while so that you could share a laugh at my expense Finally when the sun came up you both went your separate ways Look and now they have put you in the same cell with me Can you imagine the odds in a thing like that good morning gentlemen Morning Sergeant Harris Uh wardro not back Haven’t seen him What you got Le it’s another article on the captain’s plight Oh they seem to be getting smaller This was on page 14 of the food section That’s the way it always is First day it’s big news Couple of days go by people lose interest Yeah You got the sports Hey guys Um any luck for Well spent half the night at the Harbor Light Center and then uh staked out that other thrift shop and nothing happened Well give it another shot tonight huh all right How’s Burn i’m sure he’s fine Why didn’t you talk to him yesterday i thought you would No I went on his detail I went away for the weekend I wrote him a letter Oh precinct levit Let’s go see him tomorrow Yeah sure Alarm just went off at the Salvation Army senior center on house Ah you and uh W Uh Dedric I’ll um I’ll be in my office Got these crime statistics for you Hey thank you Arthur Could have typed them Could have had them framed You decide Hey what you got any more of that candy left it’s mine You had enough I need to eat I know If I listen hard enough I can hear myself chew It helps to drown out my thoughts All right But I want my blanket back I’m going Hi guys Warning Ray what are you doing here well I came to visit you and they just let you in Yeah well the army has a prisoner outreach program and I come here twice a week to give advice and guidance Huh you want some no offense Ray Uh just not in the mood Huh yeah I understand Yeah I wish I did Say something Bonnie No No Sound like something I didn’t say anything Just wish somebody would explain to me why a man who’s committed over 20 years of his life to what he knows is right deserves to wind up in a rat hole like this That’s a tough question He has just got caught in the machinery The victim of some perverse higher order that condemns me to sit here and rot while my lawyer tells me to be patient These things don’t happen overnight Oh they don’t I know it First the department’s got to take it under advisement with the commissioner who’s out taking a late lunch with the DA who’s wishing that God the damn judge would come to some accommodation with my attorney who keeps telling me to be patient Come on I take it easy I’m sorry R I didn’t mean to lay this all on you It’s just beginning to feel like the longer I’m here The longer I’m going to have to stay It’s always darkest It’s before the dawn Hope you don’t mind my sneaking that one in Listen I really I really appreciate you coming Uh so you want me to bring anything your books magazines i’ll take a life magazine October 8 1943 I’ll work on it Take care I was on the cover Let’s go Miller Judge wants to see you I saw him this morning And you’re going to see him again come on Hey Barney where are you going of course I suppose that makes you something special Hey why don’t you shut your big fat mouth i thought we were friends We are Then why did you destroy my marriage come on let’s go Good luck Good sight Duncan Why no movie this time Why you want to see stars oh clever So uh what do we got here arthur Duncan picked him up over at the senior center He was in the arts and crafts room trying to make off with a sewing machine and a couple of cartons of yarn They weren’t even sweaters yet Don’t I know you from some place maybe I used to play the accordion Sergeant Harris if you recall Mr Duncan was previously arrested by Sergeant Woitz and myself for assaulting the handicapped Oh sure You were the guy who went around mugging blind people people in wheelchairs right thanks for remembering And on the way down he confessed to the other Salvation Army breakins Why not all ever got there was junk I gave most of it to Goodwill A goodwill 11 Okay Over here Duncan You got him yeah Uh yeah we did And uh you’re just in time to sign a complaint No thank you I’ll just take him with me He’s still saying that you don’t want to press charges No not if Mr Off the Duncan Mr Duncan agrees to go down to the center for a chat I have no plans Look uh Melinda this guy isn’t worth it He’s got prior as long as your arm He’s going to take off the minute you hit the street I don’t think he will I give you my word Turn him loose You’re up Hey welcome back sir Hey how are you hey where you been just dropped by to let you guys know I was released Well uh we were going to come down and see you tomorrow Saved you a trip What happened did you give them a name no No I knew that I guess the judge figured that uh between the two of us we were doing a fine job of destroying each other’s careers So he postponed the trial a couple of weeks He’s going to try and work out some kind of compromise It’s all right You feel okay yeah Just going to clean up and head on home I’m ready whenever you are Raymond would you say to Mr Duncan and I’ll uh join you later okay Arthur We’re going to the center now Oh where do you guys keep your donuts i looked all over for them That’s the USO Oh wrong army Yeah Yeah you know it’s a waste of time trying to convert that guy He won’t be the first one I’ve lost Yeah right Look maybe we can arrest him again sometime You know I’m usually not attracted to women like you Oh I mean that uh that usually I I don’t know why but I I seem to gravitate toward the types who are less upright You know you weren’t ever a hooker were you well good Goodbye Bye
Barney Miller Full Episode 2025 🐤🐤 Examination Day 🐤🐤 American Sitcom Series
Barney Miller Full Episode 2025 🐤🐤 Examination Day 🐤🐤 American Sitcom Series
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名探偵コナン Ep 6125 – Full HD
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